Guitar Vice

"Jimmy Page's Stairway to LSD and A. Crowley"


Ever since I could coerce the pencil in my wee hand to, more or less, do my bidding, I have tried to tackle the guitar shape. I don't know why it's so damn hard to get it to look right, I hate using rulers so maybe that's why the necks always look somewhat wobbly? but it's not only that, the body itself always seem to look skewed. Well, I guess that's why I never took to architecture or car designs at all, not even the batmobile, although I often would delve into UFOs since they can pretty much be any shape and size, thank god for Atheism,Science Fiction and government's top secret shenanigans in the styx (like say Sioux City,IA or Charleston,WV).



Anyways I thought that for my LAWYER's records I'd load up my latest 'Guitar Vice' sketch obsessions. The 6X is my own personal design though. I don't know if there are x shaped pick-ups, but there damn well should be. Unless I'm not too familiar with the specific engineering flaws it might have on the sound, I think it would be hella-cool to invest in some futuristic X pick-ups. I'm sure there are X markers for the neck somewhere. If I were to market my own 6X guitar I would definitely contact someone at Marvel and ask to use Doc. Octopus as my own personal sponsored axe-man.









Think about it, this guy would be the ultimate one-man band, he could put The Prodigy's ( the electronic/rock band, not that lame-ass rapping gimp-pustule) Liam Howlett, Thomas Dolby and Paul McCartney to awesome shame, and lord knows we are in deep desperate times for real fresh genuine talent. Doc Oc and the 6X would bring it, slap it down on the counter and proceed to blow any and all ear drums, (within ear-shot, hah), into confetti with sheer powermad but scientifically precise fusion obliterating audio genius...... hell yes!

I know what you're thinking, "What a cool Guitar Hero game controller this would be". Well, you can just forget it!! I'm all for Guitar Hero teaching the clueless noobs out there about classic Heavy Metal and all, but this has to be first and FOREMOST an actual guitar!! Somehow, someday I will win that scratch ticket that will allow such frivolities, until then.... Marvel, Ibanez, Fender.... I'm waiting your insanely lucrative business proposals....hah!

"I'M OK, WHY?"

There have been tons of references to would-be 'artists' that plunge into the abyss of the 'could-have-been' blackhole.
'Inspiration Enabling' stimulants could be partially to blame. Take for example our dangerously uber-idolized, over-publicized Hollywack actors (Gary Busey, Nick Nolte, Margot Kidder, James Belushi and lately, the actor turned 'rapper', Joaquin Phoenix). These poor saps get invited to the best parties in the world, everywhere in the world and are supplied but only the finest of well.. everything from everywhere.


They are the other ugly twin of rock stars, only without ever having to tour in a cramped rusted winnebago, hungover and living like a crusty circus performer for long chunks out of the year. Sports has steroids & narcotics of all sorts. And then there's authors, comedians, politicians, evangelists etc.. they all fall prey to relying on some sort of confidence-enhancing, comforting entity that can fit in the palm of their hand, like maybe a pack of cigs, a cup or two of caffeine, a bottle of 'legally' tailored pills, bottles & bottles of 'liquid courage', packs of fresh syringes, boxes of nicotine patches, a greasy $2.99 breakfast special etc. whatever...



What's my point? I don't know!

I guess I just needed something to justify putting up this sketch of what seems to be someone being asked a stupid question at a certain time when the answer is comedically obvious.......... good times.